Friendship Connoisseur Pillows

"I hate how she seems to think that she's so much more depressed than everyone else."

'I thought this was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Men gossiping

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

'Love me little, love me long.'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"But the real treasure is spending time with friends."

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

S**t Threw a Goose

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

Heaven

'Sharing is saying you're my friend, without having to say 'you're my friend'.'

"Wanna be my default best friend?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

"Lisa, your playdate is here!"

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

White Wine Wisdom (2)

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."