Friendship Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I hate how she seems to think that she's so much more depressed than everyone else."

'I thought this was your round.' 'It was, but I'm trying to get in touch with my feminine side.'

"They think we're their best friend. Just play along with it."

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Men gossiping

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

Why Cupid is not allowed to drink alcohol anymore...

'Love me little, love me long.'

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"But the real treasure is spending time with friends."

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

Heaven

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"Got any cards saying friendship is priceless under 5 bucks?"

S**t Threw a Goose

'Sharing is saying you're my friend, without having to say 'you're my friend'.'

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Wanna be my default best friend?"

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"Lisa, your playdate is here!"

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

'This is our real-time chat room.'