Friend Who Is A Teacher Gifts

'Have you ever noticed all the comfort food in a teachers lounge?'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

'There are ten questions on this quiz. Each is worth 20 points.'

Teacher's pet dog

"I would like my entire class on your naughty list."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"He said he doesn't want to see me in his office again..."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

'If history keeps repeating itself, why do I have to repeat this class?'

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"I didn't know you could do worse than an F. When did they start handing out poop emojis?"

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

"I got the highest grade in the class, except the giraffe."

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.