Friend Into Philosophy Gifts

"You say that life is suffering, but isn't it also complaining?"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"One year closer to college!"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

Skeptic Tank.

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Life after death

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

I told you the King wasn't ready for irony!

"You'll get over him."

"The meaning of life at a glance"

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'Eve ate the apple, and she's asking if you want to make it two out of three with oranges and bananas?'

'See that ant, Norm - He is in a world of his own, completely unaware that he is being watched.'

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"I hate to be a downer, but, statistically, people are more likely to die of heart disease than by getting

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

Mass Confucian

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

"Time travel is real, but only forward and very slowly."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"So, all this talk about appealing to our better angels..."

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

I was allowed to chew this. But not that