Friend Experiencing Job Changes Gifts

'Your position has been outsources...if you wish to continue to work for us...I suggest relocating to Mumbai and taking a 60% pay cut.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Manager. . . Commander. . . Chieftain. . . King!'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

Of course I always start off by wooing a prospective candidate with talk of stimulating work,great colleagues and a reasonable work life balance...but the winning argument is always when I promise them enough money to choke a rhino.

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

Had enough of the box.

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'