Friend Who Complains About Their Job Gifts

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

Subordinate Employee

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

Bureau of the Damned

Cog-In-The-Wheel

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

InOutYada Yada.

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

violence in workplace

Race for Results

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

'Where should I leave this?'

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

Fish in Water Cooler.

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

Sleeping at the computer.

Copier is hypnotizing office worker.

Concerned Colleagues

"Do you think it is easy to pretend to work?"

'The toughest things to deal with are a new, charismatic opponent and a former colleague's memoirs.'