Friend Who Complains About Their Job Gifts

If there is a postive response, say it was my idea

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

That shows business confidence.

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

Subordinate Employee

Cog-In-The-Wheel

Find out that man's name and give him a rise.

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

InOutYada Yada.

Bureau of the Damned

violence in workplace

"Does this desk make my job look big?"

'Being taller than me will get you nowhere.'

Race for Results

'What's my secret? I never left work last night.'

'Where should I leave this?'

Thanks to an elaborate system of mirrors, every employee at Vecon Industries had a window view.

Your supervisor says you have been giving 100 every week, but at the rate of 20 a day.

'Of course, that's just my opinion. It'll be yours, too, if you know what's good for you.'

'I should have told you, every Friday senior partners get to do the Prosecco Polonaise.'

"Dammit, Hopkins... It's the fiscal new year!"

Fish in Water Cooler.

"Well that email could have been a meeting."

If you know that you would benefit from a 15 minute nap during the day, do your best to take one.

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

"No need to rush. Take all weekend if you must."

"Excuse me, but is this the canteen or the office?"

Sleeping at the computer.

Copier is hypnotizing office worker.

"Haaaaah. . . . Back to the office. Better put on my happy face. . ."

'The toughest things to deal with are a new, charismatic opponent and a former colleague's memoirs.'