Frenemy Banter Pillows

"Can I borrow this or are you going somewhere?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Technically, I was making fun of your writing ability.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I can hold a match to his notebook.'

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Instead of a bedtime story, how about strapping a bottle rocket to your doll and setting it off in your little brother’s room?" "Brad was a terrible father."

Fuzz - Max expresses pain.

"Do you think we should get a pet?"

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

Noah's lesser known brother.

"Sure, you're an elephant, but you're not at all elephantine."

'Here comes Ted.'

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

"I never got a chance to say 'Shut up.' "

"It's the wife - I can't even fight a war in bloody peace!"

No, I'm not getting you a beer while I'm up.

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

'This is going to be a long day.'

'My God, Brad... You really don't like them, right?'

Weddings...

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. Big whoop. What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop

"Enjoying a sudden decrease in vision and hearing, are we, Horndog? Well, guess who's enjoying a headache!"

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

Congratulations- Wholehearted/Tinged with Envy

"Hey, nice body! Not you, the car! ... That's what she said! ... Oh, yeah? Ask me about your wife!"

"So how long have you worked here, Baldo?"

"I'm really glad she didn't come. She's got a new mink coat."