Deskmate Banter Pillows

"So how long have you worked here, Baldo?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

9:00 - '' - '10:00' - '' - 'It's a 'spot the indifference' competition.' - '' -

Fuzz - Fuzzy writes a song with a positive message.

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"I'd appreciate a little more reacting to my ranting."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

Fuzz - Max expresses pain.

"The pizza guy wants to know what floor we're on."

'Here comes Ted.'

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

That's right: Not only are we 'Man's best friend', but a lot of people are allergic to cats...

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

'I went for a walk this morning...' - 'I ran 20 miles... uphill.' - '...and I had bran flakes for breakfast.' - 'Yeah, well I ate 19 sausages, 3 melons, and a horse.' - 'I'm going for a pee.' - 'I swear I could flood this place!!'

No, I'm not getting you a beer while I'm up.

"Can I borrow this or are you going somewhere?"

'You think you've got a bad knee? Let me tell you about a bad knee, my brother.'

'I think it's time we got rid of the espresso maker.'

Mothers. . . have no shame.

I just edited your Wikipedia entry. Tap tap tap tap tap. Big whoop. What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop

MD trash talk... "Your mama is so dumb, she doesn't know endopeptidase from endopericarditis."

"Welcome to the comedy club, sir! Heckling or non-heckling?"

#1 Jerk-off

"And the first question is. . . What the f**k are you looking at. . ??"

"It's not what you think. I'm from South Dakota."

"Hey, nice body! Not you, the car! ... That's what she said! ... Oh, yeah? Ask me about your wife!"

"This job is way too hard! Crazy customer...rude suppliers...kids who mess up displays...and all we get is $5.15 an hour! It's nothing but sheer exploitation of hard-working American teenagers!"

"Haven't your eyes gotten tired of reading after 150 years..."

"You called?"

'Trust me, Harold. I'm getting better every day. I can do this. You're not still angry about yesterday, are you, Harold?'