Deskmate Pillows

9:00 - '' - '10:00' - '' - 'It's a 'spot the indifference' competition.' - '' -

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I heard they mate for life."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

INSTANT GREY HAIR TREATMENT.

"Out of all your 277 passwords, not once did you use my name. Are you losing feelings for me?"

'That's the last time I ask you to tie my shoe laces!'

"I see you shaved your legs...for your boyfriend?"

Complete Makeover

Master of the Universe meets the sugar plumb fairies

Band Practice

"Maybe I haven't suffered enough. Why don't you whip up some of your curried pork balls and refried rice for dinner?"

"Singing makes me self-conscious."

'I want to be yummy mummified.'

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

"Good morning, folks, this is Captain Holwood from the flight deck. We'll be cruising at thirty-five thousand feet today, and I'll be finally taking control of my life, struggling to satisfy the needs of only one person—me!"

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

"She's all surgery and he's all pharmacy."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"You seem to be taking personal responsibility for everything except your bill."

I hate the spring ritual of not being able to wear a bulky sweater to cover the weight I've gained during the winter.

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

"Have you ever thought of your needs first?"

"Can't do 3 p.m. — I'm scheduled for a migraine."

Cymbal player has a bruised nose from playing his instrument.

"The Five Major Warning Signs of Baldness."

"I want an easy to care for style that's also a desperate cry for help."

Bob begins every day with Tie Chi

"Right from the top but who ever finishes first get the drinks in."

"Of course I know Jim. We once built a time machine together. We go way back."

Internet Dating Agency's - The download to your heart

"Todd and I are doing our best to make it work by never meeting in real life."