French Wines Gifts

'No, no white wine, just a couple cases of '64 Chateau Beychevelle back there between the beans and the diapers - five bucks each.'

In the Guru District

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'A cheeky red?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

Bacchus.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Sauvignon Bonk

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'... And this is my cellar.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

Yoga vs. Prosecco

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

"He gets easily abstracted."

'Note to self: Like coffee, homemade coffee wine should be available in decaf, too.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

Garlic Free Zone.

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

"I make it myself!"

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."