Fine Wine Gifts

Ah! Bejezus...for the love of Mike...This wine is corked

'Wow, this vintage belongs in a better bar.'

"O+ Harvest of ;92."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Sloaney Pony.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Yoga for Alcoholics

Wine Lady

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Sauvignon Bonk

Bacchus.

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew