French Wine Lover Gifts

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

"Pierre, this is the third time this week you've fallen in."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'A cheeky red?'

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Wine Lady

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"Now I really hate poetry."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Bacchus.

Sauvignon Bonk

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'I like you, you remind me of someone.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Leaning Wine Bottle of Pisa

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"