French Wine Gifts

'Look at this! France is getting into the wine business, too.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'It's cold, damp and dark, but I can't complain - it's perfect for my clarets.'

'Apparently, my wine-tasting computer liked the '86 Haut Brion a bit too much - it didn't leave any for us.'

French Wine Tasting

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

In the Guru District

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

Bacchus.

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Sauvignon Bonk

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

The Wine Bottle and the Corkscrew

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'... And this is my cellar.'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He's holding a sign saying he's marooned with 20 cases of La Tache. A second sign: drop a corkscrew and come back in six months.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"Maybe we should have brought a Riesling."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Which wine goes best with 'the old man and the sea'?'