French Cuisine Humor Gifts

'Uh-Oh... I better watch my legs! There comes a cook - o - dile!'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"States of tofu"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

'Your stab at ordering the wine in French went well.'

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Garlic Free Zone.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Slices of bread rescuing burnt toast.

Deliboys

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"Dare I ask for mustard?"

"My guess it's guacamole."

"Gigot de sept heures."

"Then again, an honest profile picture would not have got me a wonderful 'Duck Confit with a Chocolat Creme Brulee.'"

"Dad fixed you a balanced breakfast - the runny eggs are balanced with burnt toast!"

Cooking with Pierre

"Oh, but we could be so good together...!"

"Carpe pizza"

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Sisyphus Sawyer

'Needs more kale.'

"I'll have the vegetable lasagne, hold the vegetables."

'Well you asked for Al dente.'