Freezer Connoisseur T-Shirts

"All the money we've saved on bulk food we've spent on freezers!"

Counting ribs

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Too much cilantro

A Day In The Kitchen

Electric Blanket.

Aromatherapy for Men

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

"Oh, you know - wearing light clothing, drinking plenty of liquids, and avoiding strenuous activity."

File Cabinets for Perfectionists

Bonita shows up late for the girls' Thursday night 'Jam Session'.

'I do enjoy the winter olympics.'

"Do you have an Isa?"

Larry was always invited on camping trips because of his ice chest

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

Entertainment systems

"Well, there's your problem right there -- you need to sauté the onions in white wine before adding the ginger."

"To help illustrate our sales plan I have created a pie chart."

Snow is falling...

'Did I doze off for a couple of years? Since when did cupcakes become a big deal?'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

'I think he's had it with dry dog food.'

"When a man is tired of pasta, sir, he is tired of life. Dr. Johnson."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

The air conditioning in here isn't working very well. Why don't we keep cool by undressing each other with our eyes? ?

'When does the fridge go on a diet?'

"How's my wife doing in the discus tryouts? I can tell you that, at home, she's hell on wheels with saucers and plates."

'Eggs, I'm cooking eggs!'

'That's a tough question. I suppose I should be served with a dry red.'

'Why do my parents have to be professional chefs?!'

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

'We've had a couple of requests for an academic brouhaha, so we'll be preparing one of those today.'