Freelancer Philosopher Pillows

"I tried being my own boss, but my wife got jealous."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

5pm Happy Hour. 6pm discussion: what is true happiness?

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Did you remember to back up the last 4.5 billion years?"

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

"She's really nice and I didn't want to hurt her feelings, so here we are."

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know what your office staff are doing?'

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

Pig philosophy class - 'I'm pink, therefore I'm ham'

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

'You'll have to decide - do you want to be top management in a small pond, or bottom management in a big pond?'

30% Heredity, 70% Environment

'So much effort to meet me? Man, you just should have visited my website!'

There's got to be more to life than just sitting at a desk...

'Well, you're bankrupt, but look on the bright side -- it only cost you eight dollars per transaction!'

'I started out as one of the good guys but I hated it.'

"So what books didn't you get around to reading during lockdown?"

'Will that be for here or to go - and if it's to go, can you take me with you?'

"Read the comments, boss. . . we should rename the whole thing from 'social media' to 'antisocial media'."

"I want to tell her I love her and let her know I'm careful with money."

"Oh yeah? Well, your dad makes more, but my dad's not stuck in a high-paying job he hates but is too scared to leave."

"A thirst for knowledge, …. That was another of my great thirsts."

'It is our hope that the salary this job offers will take your mind off it's meaninglessness.'

When they said more people were choosing to holiday at home I think they meant in the UK

Freedom

'I'm not paying $200 per hour for therapy, so you must be the one who's nuts.'

Presidential Medal of Freedom