Free Will Philosopher Gifts

'If You give them free will, we'll need a LOT more staff.'

'Hey, it's your dollar, buddy, but maybe this ain's the best way to 'wherever the wind blows your path.''

Ban on Free Speech

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

'Look on the bright side, more gay marriages means fewer abortions.'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

The Mainstream

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"And in a five-to-four decision today the United States Supreme Court rule that atheits may not barred from foxholes."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

Loner sheep sings 'I gotta be me'.

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Who's Dead

Women

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates

'Plant a tree, build a house, father a child and make sure that there is a good lawyer in your closest circle of friends.'