Free Will Philosopher Gifts

'If You give them free will, we'll need a LOT more staff.'

'Hey, it's your dollar, buddy, but maybe this ain's the best way to 'wherever the wind blows your path.''

Ban on Free Speech

Freedom comes at a cost. We must be willing to pay the ultimate price. Retail.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

'Look on the bright side, more gay marriages means fewer abortions.'

'Hey! What's the big idea!?!'

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"They're born into captivity, it's all they know."

"Professor, we need you to stop. The Student Union has decided that the earth is flat."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Aging Support Group

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

The Mainstream

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"She can forgive Nixon, but she can't forgive me."

Henrietta was never one to conform to society's labels. She preferred to think of herself as an 'off-Rhode lsland Red'...

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"And in a five-to-four decision today the United States Supreme Court rule that atheits may not barred from foxholes."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Loner sheep sings 'I gotta be me'.

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

"Some day, son, all these aches and pains will be yours."

Women

Who's Dead

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"Thank you."