Free Throw Philosopher Pillows

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

"Good game."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

Critisize your weight.

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"You beat me by two...but with your penalties I beat you by 150!"

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Guy in gym

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

When the Job Market Shifts, Always Remember That It's All Your Fault

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

The Meaning of Life

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

My definition of 'quality time?'...charging $500 per hour.

'On my new diet I can eat anything I want, but have to walk 500 miles a day.'

"Up here everything is pretty much opposite."

Yoga. Welcome back! Thank you. Why did you stop coming? I couldn't decide if I liked yoga, or

"I've tried Buddhism, Taoism, Transendental meditation, Confucionism, Theolog, Scientgology....but I've found a good hand rolled joint of homegrown works best!"

"Sure, Pop, I see the ball—what I don't see are incentives."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"How do you know he was offsides? How do you know anything? Isn’t it possible this is all a dream?!"

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

'Looks like I might have to rethink the football idea!'

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.