Freckle Aficionado Pillows

'An expiration date? Gee, all these years, I thought it was just a bunch of freckles!'

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

"Amazon wants to open a facility here due to our friendly labor environment."

'Misery is sleeping in late on Saturday morning then realizing it's only Wednesday...'

'The children are leaving the nest, honey! They're not diving in the Olympics...That was at leas a 6.5 by the way.'

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

Bunny Hop Hug

"He's upset I'm getting 36,000 points for speeding in one night."

'Suddenly Jake was confronted by the dreaded raffler'

"Guess who won the meat tray raffle?"

"Nothing says 'Teacher Appreciation' like an administrator winning the raffle."

'Sorry - I left the naughty kid files on the train.'

Teddy sweeping up zzz

'Mind if we turn this off? I freckle easily.'

They were young and in love, and Harold would spend whole weekends counting the freckles on Arlene's back, Of course they were also incredibly stupid,,, Arlene only had seven freckles,

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

"Reverse two and a half somersaults with one and a half twists - WOW!"

'Where's Beiber?'

"Have we got a show for you!"

"You idiot! I spent all morning covering that with hairs!"

MY OTHER COAT IS A FUR

In case of urge to tidy up, clean glass.

Santa's Helpers

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

Santa Claus aided down chimney by Elves.

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."

'My wife wanted a fur coat so, for her birthday, I got her a starter kit.'

'I'm a butcher by trade.'

"You must contact everyone who's ever been on your naughty/nice list."

"It's a remote huggy bear to help us through social distancing."

'Guess what,Doris- I've won you a grass strimmer!'

Let the cleansing begin. Are you wearing a frock? During one week each fall, I cease my efforts to bag the babes. It's a cleansing process. No flirtation, no overtures at bus stops or bars, no flashing of Larry the Python. Who? My biceps. Ensconced this week in a frock. I'm stuck on the name Larry.

'Of course it's an endangered species. You don't expect me to wear cockroaches, do you?'