Fraud Examiner Gifts

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Ducks and hares taken in by a wolf at a seance

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Well you checked my £20 note so I'm checking the change you gave me!'

"Doesn't look good. The boss just changed his Facebook status to 'Fleeing the country with hookers and compnay 401k plan.'"

'That's part of the reason for our problem. We lost the key to the door.'

'He's a real stickler for punctuality. He got really annoyed when I was late for an appointment, next week.'

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

Patent Office: ". . . It's a phoneless cord."

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

Industrial Injuries Benefit.

"Here's my wallet, my phone, the key to the safe and an application form for your so-called 'mind control device.'"

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

"You have been specially selected to upload your bank details. Offer ends midnight."

Fake Counterfeit Money

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

'Quit if you want, Bowman, but the intellectual property stays here.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Of course he's smiling, he spent all the company profits before he died."

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'

"I think they're beginning to suspect our science is fraudulent."

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

'Your two o'clock cheeseseeking missle is here.'

"To verify you are the person who answered the phone, May I have your social security number and a major credit card."

'As it turned out, circumstantial evidence was all they needed.'

"Well, certainly his claim seems justified , but if we paid off every justified claim what kind of insurance company would we be?"

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

Berlitz guide to Scamese

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

"If we're the Serious Fraud Squad, how come we're looking for funny money?"

'How can I put this....?'