Frat Raconteur Gifts

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'I got caught in a blogstorm.'

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

Beware of the Blog.

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

'If she can't speak yet, how do you know her name is Jennifer?'

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

Food Blog

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

Canine Frat Parties

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

'I can't do that project --- tweeting is taking up my life.'

According to your blog, there have been some pretty amazing things going on in your life lately, Lance. I can make my blog either accurate or interesting ... I can't make it both.

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Every wife's dream conversation.