Frat Raconteur Pillows

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I have a couple of other projects I'm excited about."

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"At least you don't have a needy husband and an angry dog."

"I had half a date last weekend."

"Although the estate will be distributed equally, your father wanted you all to know that Keith was his favorite, followed by..."

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'Women, can't live with 'em, can't live without em.'

'I guess I shouldn't have expected too much. Martin was a floor model.'

'If she can't speak yet, how do you know her name is Jennifer?'

'Would you like to come over to my place and see a video of my first marriage?'

Food Blog

'If you want to brag about yourself, start a blog.'

"Check it out, bro - this pneumatic tub pipes us from the frat to Wallstreet."

"So when you said you were a bee keeper..."

"No thanks, mom. I'm on a vegetable free diet."

"I can't remember if I didn't like his second book or his second wife."

"Let me guess, you joined Alpha Delta Dogma"

Canine Frat Parties

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"The lack of perspective kills me..."

"Great, but how is he in bed?"

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Every wife's dream conversation.

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