Foreign Language Raconteur Pillows

"How nice to be misunderstood in more than one language!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Non Thought For The Day.

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

"I've been having hallucinations again, Doctor."

"Back in the day, this pub was full of young, long-haired radicals, hell-bent on changing the world."

'Thinking quickly, Ernie jerked out his instamatic and clicked away at his farm below.'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

Max Beerbohm

Social butterfly

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'Dear Abby: I continually find myself asking for advice from complete strangers. Please help.'

Brenda always had Safe sex

"Thanks - it was so fabulously regional. I mean, I can't close my eyes without seeing fajitas and Georgia O'Keeffe."

"I'm the writer, executive producer, and star of my fibs."

"Aside from Domino’s, China Palace and Lupe’s Fiesta Garden, do you have any professional references?"

'Down on the farm!'

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

"My grant is somewhat restrictive. I have to work only with even numbers."

Businessman As A Weather Vane

'Well yes there was life before television but it didn't amount to much. . .'

'During my trip around the World, I took some pictures with this new digital camera... here is my finger covering the lens in Sidney... here in New York... Rome... Lisbon... Hamburg...'

"Ya know, what really struck me the most about my trip to Bali was the $14 ham and cheese sandwich I discovered at JFK Airport."