Rambunctious Raconteur Pillows

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Non Thought For The Day.

"I wrote a poem, even though I'm on vacation."

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

William Tell Overture

'Here goes the second bottle of champagne... I think it would be fair of You to tell me what are my chances so I know whether to order another bottle or not...'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

There is no limit to the amount of nonsense that men can talk about football.

"That's the man, Officer. That's Mr. Right!"

Max Beerbohm

How was your week on the lake? Twig fell in lo-love! Oh, tell me! Why did I say that? Now I'll never find out anything. Relax, momster. $20 and I can provide a full background report. Done! Boys are so communicative!

Social butterfly

Oscar Wilde

'Even women talk about the one that got away'

'Let me take you away from all this — I know a much better bar across the street.'

"You misinterpreted the news. I've simply had a terrific autumn."

"Tell me again about those twelve mile hikes you were on in the military."

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

Brenda always had Safe sex

"And this is where I met your mum."

'Down on the farm!'

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"I'm the writer, executive producer, and star of my fibs."

'When did I first start rambling? Well, it's a long story...'

'Ok, ok. We'll run through it one more time. The rabbit pops up, goes round the tree ..'

"How nice to be misunderstood in more than one language!"

Businessman As A Weather Vane

"You've just been copying things from my sex diary into your sex diary."

Man with Sex Reviews.

"In the bad old days, Nigel used to spend much of his time drinking and 'picking up birds'. . ."