Founding Father Fanatic Pillows

Benjamin Franklin

"If Mr. Washington really is the father of this country, why has he refused to submit a paternity test?"

Father of our Country: DNA tests pending

"The period furniture is authentic. A prime example of colonial cherry."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

"You're on a what?!"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Anachronism or not, it just ain't the fourth without the ribs and Willie Nelson."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'She posted her first blog today.'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

'We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, except for Hancock... who smells bad...'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Signing the declaration of independence.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"Imagine! In the past year alone, Thomas Jefferson has learned to speak Swahili and play the glockenspiel."

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

'Not today,son-not on Fathers' Day!'

"When in the course of human events it becomes... Oh, blast it! Adams is just going to edit the heck out of this..."

"Can you wangle me some parental leave?"

"I want you to meet these guys-they've got the hottest new stupid thing on the Internet."

Baby Shower

The day after Father's Day.

'I'm not giving you a lift. If you want to run away from home, run.'

'Here's your choice. Grounded for a week or a walk around the Mall with me while I wear this.'

"The demise of psychoanalysis? Yes, I saw it coming but you know how it is... denial... repression... projection... compartmentalisation..."

'A rocking horse? Boy! What will they think of next?!'

Celebrity Books.

Siggy

"Meet JD Salinger's neighbors"

George Washington

"Well ok....but in your case I'll need DNA proof!"