Fossil Fan Gifts

"William dabbles in paleontology."

'Sorry, this isn't that kind of agency. We determine the age of old fossils, not arrange dates for them.'

Dinosaur Funeral Director

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

Fish to friend regarding third fish leaving Precambrian ocean: 'There's been no living with him since he started to evolve.'

'It's an extinction notice.'

Carbon Footprint Taxes.

"Given a choice, would you prefer to be buried, cremated or converted to fossil fuel?"

"Is that where you live, Grandad?"

How the bones got into the Le Brea Tar Pits

"It's nothing serious. We're just carbon dating."

Then, after 3.7 million years...something funny happened.

Dinosaur dig 'Pet cemetery'

Dinosaur laying cement, whilst other dinosaur runs through it.

T-rex

"And next on our Fossil Tour we'll be leaving the Hall of Dinosaurs and entering the Hall of Angry Old White Guys."

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

'That's far enough for the first trip -- gather some soil samples and initiate re-entry procedures.'

'Dragonflies, amphibians, starfish.... How boring can you get?'

Richard Owen

Yet anoher prehistoric mammal is covered up by the La Brea Tarp - never to be seen again.

dinosaur lurks behind palaeontologist

'I'm a hunter with gatherer tendencies...'

'Way back in the early 1900s, Dinosaurs ruled Hollywood.'

Stop displaying my dead ancestors' bones in the dinosaur exhibit.

'Let's make this one the biggest one ever.'

"You know me, Shirley. Live fast, love hard and leave a trasitional fossil."

Dig Site. Frank, I've found some new fossils! They were undercovered next to relics, which indicate there was a society of advanced dinosaurs! Cups and saucers were found with the tea-rex fossils. The rap-tor was next to oversized jewelry. And the bronzesaurus bones were found with a tanning bed! That's incredible, Ernie! Hah! April fools! I guess it's fitting that Ernie get to April Fools day a little ahead of everybody else!

I admit, this discovery does seem to support the asteroid theory.

"I get the strange feeling this has happened before."

"Let's face it - we're much better at digging up new dinosaurs than naming them."

"Wait, wait. Let's arm wrestle."

"Don't even think about it."

"You ever think about upright bipedalism?"

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."