Fortune Fortune Hunter Gifts

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Asking out a palm reader.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Pie Filling Reader

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I used to be a medium, but now I'm a large."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"In two million years from now people like me will still be very rich tanks to idiots like you!"

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'