Fortune Fortune Hunter T-Shirts

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Any minute now I'll be getting a headache.'

"I forsee you will have a better chance of winning the lottery than growing your testicles back."

"The sweater you knit him will be thrown out in February."

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Asking out a palm reader.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

Quantum Psychic

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Channelling on the Cheap

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Using psychic powers, the final exam had been a breeze. However, Madame Evetta did not realize that the student in front of her from who she had obtained the majority of her answers, was Bugs Higgins.

Pie Filling Reader

Madame ZuZu. Dream Interpretation. Tarot. Palms. She says the dream where I'm taking a test naked means I barely made it through school.

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'If you had been born two days later you'd have been kind and clever with a great sense of humour.'

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"You will meet a tall, mysterious stranger — you will rub fur on his pant leg."

"I can't really tell you the future but I'll tell you what's trending on Twitter."

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'