Fortune Cookie Humorist Pillows

"My fortune cookie says to call the food poisoning hotline."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

'Our businessman's special includes fortune cookies filled with stock tips'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'My crystal ball is in the shop. Pick a fortune cookie.'

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

'It says I forgot my wallet.'

Chinese Novel Cookie

I was more a financial magician myself. I could make money disappear very easily.

"Either the fortune cookie cutter failed, or you have a lot of issues you're not telling your mother about."

'My fortune says you're a liar, so I won't even ask what yours says.'

'This fortune cookie says, 'You will have good luck investing in emerging markets, fortune cookie & Chopstick Trading Company of Singapore.''

"In an effort to avoid controversy, and to accommodate our attention spans, we will be replacing the commencement speaker with fortune cookies."

'I had a rough year in the market. I can't attract gold diggers anymore. The best I can hope for is a silver digger.'

'That's weird. All this fortune cookie says is 'look out!''

Misfortune cookies

"Let me get this straight - You're divorcing him because of a fortune cookie message?"

'I'm a fortune teller Phillip. Music is going to mark a key moment in your life.'

The day the dinosaurs died...'There's no fortunes in any of these!'

'We're out of sugar pills, so I'm giving you some M&M's.'

Dyslexic Palm Reading

'See many bathroom breaks in near future after eating Moo Goo Gai Pan.'

Change in imminent

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

Chinese Cuisine. I think that hedge fund manager misplaced his after-meal cookie. That would be the second fortune he lost.

Man reading fortune cookie: 'Hey, cool - it's an up-to-the-minute stock report.'

'Okay, mine says, 'Eat healthier foods. The current health care system really sucks.''

Nostradamus's secret is almost exposed.

'Yahoo! It says 'Your wife is going to collect a large sum of insurance money!''

"She keeps trying to mold me into her own image."

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."