Cookie Humorists Pillows

"My best legal advice is to run, run, as fast as you can."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Cake Free Zone

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

A Club Sandwitch.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Cat eats date.

Miracle Mom #5,293

'You've had enough!'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"Of course I've been drinking!"

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.