Cookie Humorists Pillows

"My best legal advice is to run, run, as fast as you can."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

Cake Free Zone

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Missed again, eh, Bob? Maybe you should switch to decaf!'

A Club Sandwitch.

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Cat eats date.

Miracle Mom #5,293

'You've had enough!'

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"Roadkill cookies"

Cupcake jumps out of cake.