Candy Humorist Pillows

'Toffee is very bad for your teeth.'

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

Cake Free Zone

"Of course I've been drinking!"

'You've had enough!'

"It's choux pastry, not shoe pastry!"

"If a fruit doesn't have a lolly flavour, is it a real fruit?"

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

". . . and that dumb Mrs. Parker could have figured I had the Ace, King and Jack, but no, she goes ahead bidding in hearts. . ."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

"Med Brittle"

"Sorry about that. Just following the serving suggestion."

'Looks like another typical caffeine overdose.'

'Did you just curdle?'

"I got horse dewormer..."

Candy Land for Adults

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

"Your eyebrows are beautiful, darling. I know you hate drawing them on."

"Why didn't you think of that before I put on the icing?"

"Well, team....time to trade our 'You Got This!' coffee mugs to the 'Mistakes Were Made' mugs."

"I accept the cookies I cannot change."

To make your computer faster, please pour two cups of Espresso into your CD drive.

popcorn...

Heirlooms of Tomorrow

Tea Cup Ride

'I hate chocolates that are gooey inside but I love Valentine's cards that are all gooey inside.'

'The thought of your biscuits brings a lump to my throat.'

'You're lucky she didn't press charges. Never touch a woman eating ice cream.'

'I'm down to one cup of coffee a day.'

"Now that the kids and grandkids are grown I can get back to more erotic embroidery."

Trump in Disappointing Halloween Candy