Fortress Fanatic T-Shirts

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

Castle Cat Flap

Tearing down and building walls.

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

With Thorssen, it's "Pillage and blunder".

"I loved the bit where you hid under the seat."

Signing the declaration of independence.

'I hope it;s an express.'

'I like the frame.'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"Why can't we just have a normal home security system like the neighbours."

"I said hot, boiling oil! Not cold, refreshing milk!"

Tortured Plank

"It all comes down to the aging and fermentation process."

'There are shortcuts to making home brew, but taking a swig of malt extract and letting it ferment in your mouth isn't one of them.'

'We've had an application from No.10 Downing Street. . . they need to extend their cabinet room.'

A man swinging upside down by his legs on a scaffolding frame.

...they can't take the factory out of the man - he's off to do some welding.

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'Ed, see if you can find out why Henderson, Morgan and Caldwell are building a moat around their building.'

"Actually, would you mind turning and shooting at 7 paces? Any more and you'll walk out of frame for my YouTube video."

"But is it..?"

'But our secret ingredient is large quantities of Hilberg beer.'

'Well... the frame is nice.'

"Sire, the barbarian's are no longer at the gate...they're inside it!"

"It's another birthday card for me...!"

Artists without borders.

"You're wasting your time, Dad. I learned in day care a cow jumped over the moon."

"Binaldi, Ravaccio, Dellacorte... and that's just the frames."

"Painting was her love, but framing was her passion."

"Try not to loft the ball so much.'

'This building inspector is so darn obstinate and bullheaded.'

Hello, Mary Popmedia. Who do you think you are? A citizen journalist. Ha. You have no training, no experience. What gives you the right? The first amendment! Or is it the second amendment? I have the experience to look up the answer.