Foodie Fortress Fanatic T-Shirts

'So much for tomorrow's guacamole - this is the last of the extra virgin olive oil!'

Counting ribs

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Kitchen Kapers

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Benihana style of cooking.

Important Food Groups

The Streets - Night

Burnt or Raw?

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Church Basement Foodie

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'Men's cooking'

This Year's Spa

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

Will work for Food Network.

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Whoa! One last doughnut left."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."