Former Mobster Gifts

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

He loves the water.

"Don't worry, boss, he ain't gonna be takin' his shoes off on an airplane no more."

'I'm coping.'

The Professionals.

'God's teeth - it's just not the same!'

"Why do they always do that with the concrete? The feet are the best part."

'Isn't that kind of thing generally frowned upon in the real mob.'

"How'd you get this number?"

"This chat room ain't big enough fer th' two of us."

"Remember - make it look like an accident."

"They're going to make it tough for you around here when they find out you used to be a cop."

Ex-Banker: Can you spare the price of a cup of tea? Anything else is a bonus.

'Wilson's back in the work force, and apparently not too humbled by his prison term.'

Gangster shoots musical notes.

"But, Dad, burglary's so last-century. You need to retrain in internet fraud."

'Keep an eye on Jimmy the Shark during today's meeting. You can always tell if he's planning a double-cross by the way he fidgets with his iPhone.'

'Sorry, Rocko, you know how it works. Step on a crack, break your mother's back.'

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."

"Gee, but I miss the heightened eroticism of those five and a half years of conjugal visits."

"Nice tough with the matching handbag, Frank."

'Now let's see some hustle out there, Son.'

Hygiene

"You might be too sensitive for this job, Frankie."

Clean streets

It was rumoured that Santa did the occasional favour the mafia.

Guess what my number is?

Attention FUGITIVES...If you turn yourself in, we will DOUBLE your reward money.

How many times do I gotta tell you? You're only supposed to eat the evidence if you get caught.

'Boss, the perfect crime - we give fat Tony a pet alligator and years from now the 'gator eats Tony!'