Formal Communication Lover Gifts

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"It's bedtime, Roger. Loosen your tie."

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

Bird Messaging

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

Bell invents the telephone.

Boss hands over document: 'There are too many abbreviations in your report ? can you rewrite it asap?'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

'Is that your wife's anniversary present?' - 'Yes, it's an annual report on our marriage.'

"It's for you."

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

Yes, I always keep a good cigar. Why don't you smoke 'em?

Along with technology came the ascension of curmudgeon man: 'Well, back in my day, we'd just walk over and talk to each other!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

'It's a hi-tech romantic thriller...she e-mails him, he e-mails her, they meet, she gets nabbed for online solicitation of a minor.'

Text Smoke Signal.

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"

'There's a phone call for you, John!'

'Thank you for calling, your pigeon is being held in a queue.'

'Can't get through? Then e-mail them for pete's sake!'

'I got your text-message marriage proposal... and I've answered you by snail mail.'

"No, they're not mooning you, that's a peach emoji."

"Sign here, initial here and emoji here."

Your Dinner Is In The Oven - Left as Eye Chart.

'I ask my distinguished colleague from cell block c to please pass the salt.'

Cult of Informality

'The extension you have reached is not a real extension....'

"Darren is still in the phonebook."

"No, no. It's three thumps for call waiting and five thumps for call forwarding."