Formal Communication Lover Pillows

"I don't mind getting email from you, Stevens. But don't ever send me another smiley-face emoji."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"It's bedtime, Roger. Loosen your tie."

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

Bird Messaging

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

Bell invents the telephone.

Boss hands over document: 'There are too many abbreviations in your report ? can you rewrite it asap?'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Next Year's Postal Service Marketing Campaign.

"It's for you."

'Is that your wife's anniversary present?' - 'Yes, it's an annual report on our marriage.'

'Gail, my dear, please don't talk about sex - my God this is a restaurant!'

Yes, I always keep a good cigar. Why don't you smoke 'em?

It's ok. He prefers to text anyway.

"Ping me when you're done, yeah?"

Along with technology came the ascension of curmudgeon man: 'Well, back in my day, we'd just walk over and talk to each other!'

'Ms. Daly, have there been any important e-mails or voice-mails during my incarceration?'

Text Smoke Signal.

'It's a hi-tech romantic thriller...she e-mails him, he e-mails her, they meet, she gets nabbed for online solicitation of a minor.'

"Why can't we have a discussion without it escalating into a shouting match?"

Learn from your mistakes...this is the last time I let you talk me into a double date.

Sorry I missed your call – I was on the other line.

'Thank you for calling, your pigeon is being held in a queue.'

'Can't get through? Then e-mail them for pete's sake!'

'I got your text-message marriage proposal... and I've answered you by snail mail.'

'There's a phone call for you, John!'

"No, they're not mooning you, that's a peach emoji."

"Sign here, initial here and emoji here."

'The extension you have reached is not a real extension....'

'I ask my distinguished colleague from cell block c to please pass the salt.'

Cult of Informality

"Darren is still in the phonebook."

Your Dinner Is In The Oven - Left as Eye Chart.