Forgetful Foodie Gifts

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

HELLth Food Sprouts

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

'My French is not so good.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Belated Birthday Cards

'Fruitcake, pfefferneusse, we'd like you to consider early retirement.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

'Village store and Food museum'

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

'How can anything this bad be fattening?.'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'You would forget the doggie bag!'

'Do you have a royalty card?'

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

"I've added some dehydrated non-vegetable oil sulphites so it's more like mum used to make."

The consequences of eating junk food.

Man faced with a fridge full of food can't find the dinner left for him by his wife

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

'Can I get some carmelized onions on that omelet?'

"Do you remember when food had food in it?"