Forgery Enthusiast Gifts

"It's a scan of a digital image of a photo of a painting of a sculpture of an impersonator of a forger -- want a copy?"

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

'... and we're also having a sale on do-it-yourself emergency surgery kits.'

Joan of Arc goes sword shopping.

"I'll tell you how much wood I could chuck if I could—a lot, like, half a cord!"

Hammer and Anvil.

Progress?

'There, THAT tree won't bother anyone anymore!'

'I take it this is your first big game hunt?!!'

Wussapalooka

Rudyard Kipling

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

'Don't tell anyone I asked... but why don't we have muskets?'

Emily Dickinson

'WOW! Did anyone see the recoil on this baby?'

'Look out, it's a double edged sword. . .'

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

"It's a forgery, alright! And by the looks of it... a fairly recent one."

Major Poets, Minor Poets, Free Agents.

'Great news Marcel! Proof that it's a genuine Leonardo!'

Ancient Weapons

Frenchy Fries, one of the world's greatest art forgers

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'I suspect, Madam, that this Van Gogh is a forgery.'

Battle.

"The quality of the writing is an embarrassment, it has no style, no fluency, no soul!"

During a round of throwing stuff the boomerang emerges.

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!

Saul Bellow

The Lady of the Lake stabs a duck.

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'