Forecast Funster Gifts

'It's going to be sixty degrees today. Thirty in the morning and thirty at night.'

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Annual Pollsters Convention. Wow, who could've predicted such a low turnout?

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

Pirates

The TROU of the Baroque

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

'It looks like we might get some rain ahead.'

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

The last of the mullet.

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

Dressed as Tins

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

'I want to be a weatherman or a pundit. They never have to be right all the time.'

'Well what do you know? There really is plenty of kitsch in the sea!'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."