Forecast Funster Gifts

'It's going to be sixty degrees today. Thirty in the morning and thirty at night.'

'Read that part again where it predicts a cold, snowy winter for the midwest...'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

Pirates

The TROU of the Baroque

'It looks like we might get some rain ahead.'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

The last of the mullet.

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'It's actually cheaper than the bait shop.'

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

'I want to be a weatherman or a pundit. They never have to be right all the time.'

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

'And this is where we attempt to forecast the true size of the spending cuts!'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

Dressed as Tins

'Well what do you know? There really is plenty of kitsch in the sea!'

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."

'For the first time in ages, Rudolph the red nosed reindeer faced some stiff competition from Ernie the energy saving reindeer'