Festival Funster Gifts

Pesach crime scene.

'Fancy muttering 'not blummin more face painting' as we walked by her stall!'

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

'I hope I run out of money before I flunk out.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

"Are you ready to engage with rock-rased content?"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"...but do not take Clynkovix if you are already taking any other drug with a ridiculous name."

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

Pirates

The TROU of the Baroque

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Actualities - Artists abusing permission to exhibit more than three pictures this year

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

'Don't come crying to me, son. I told you you'd turn into a lobster if you stayed out in the sun all day.'

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

The last of the mullet.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

Dressed as Tins

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"Dang it, my eyes were closed - take another one!"

"Thank you and feel free to download the appropriate holiday greeting from my website."

'I'm not hopeful about my presents Mum - when I asked him, he didn't even know our address.'

'The sun'll be up soon. Can I go downstairs now?'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."

Person playing the cymbals.

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

"They had their names removed using the right to be forgotten."