Footnote Fanatic Pillows

Dept. of History. This term paper doens't have any footnotes at all! I'm suffering from citer's block!

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Italica

'It's only fair to warn you that if you get the job there would be a lot of filing involved.'

Scientist counting microscopic things he can see in his microscope

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

Quills - Sizes 1-9

InIn by-products.

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

In - Out - Pending.

Research and Development: Now, Never.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"Who's the idiot who filed Phil under F?"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'I married him because he made my feet tingle when we played footsie. Turns out it was neuopothy.'

I've refiled all your letters under L.

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

In one ear/Out the other.

The Graphic Designers EYE EXAM

Dive in Archive.

'I got confused by the news system so filed everything under 'M' for miscellaneous!'

'Sorry.. I don't date lower-case types.'

"Oh, it's not just the sign. Everything here is set in Comic Sans."

'I'm going to dictate a stern letter of reprimand for Watkins, but let's soften the blow with a Comic Sans font.'

Gender Specific Bath Towels (Hers)

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

'I can't remember the title,but it was on a little white piece of paper.'

Document Filing in the Post-Literate Era.

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

I've given up on my youthful dreams of having a big income, a big house and a big car. At this point, I've settled for having a BIG FONT.

"Yeah, the Declaration of Independence is beautiful! What font is that?"