Footballer Wannabe Gifts

Chicken lays a football.

Football Fans

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

Children playing football.

'I've got a cape. I think I can make it.'

Inaction Figure

"Sarge, he says he wants to make a 'fashion statement'!"

A boy with a football

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

Football Skills

"Sure we'll get in trouble, but our science grades will make up for it."

"Shouldn't you boys be out fighting crime somewhere?" "Yeah, yeah, whatever." "I could use another beer while you're up." "I ain't goin' on no airplane!" "Anyone pay the cable bill?" The A-Hole Team

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Big Football

"We could start a band."

'It's a great country kid, anyone can grow up to be security to the president.'

'Boy, I love pretending to be Jens Lehmann...Now I can go home to watch football on TV!'

Everyone in Tinseltown deserves 15 minutes of obscurity.

"There comes a time, Little Buddy, when you have to just accept that you'll never be famous....that your life will never be adapted for television and that when you die, only five or six people will truly care."

'Put it down, it's the captain's log.'

"Don't get too excited. Getting a filling does not make you a cyborg."

Boy holding football.

'I'm wearing me treasure, rather than burying it!'

'Save some purrs for when I play quarterback for the Saints.'

'Where did we get this new goalie?'

Before and After Tattoos.

Midnight in Minnesota

STRIP *The Fan * "Let Garry McAllister be you inspiration."

"I could do that!"

This club is for members only

'My Dad said I'll be an international goalkeeper when I grow up!'

I worry that your camp concentrates too much on soccer. I'm ok, mom. Really. Specializing is bad for your joints and muscles. Chill, mom. I'm cross-training. Oh. I have very well-conditioned thumbs.

'What do you mean... You sent the rest of the uniform to the dry cleaners?'

"There's no increase in salary, but the position does come with a cape."