Soccer Star Wannabe Gifts

I worry that your camp concentrates too much on soccer. I'm ok, mom. Really. Specializing is bad for your joints and muscles. Chill, mom. I'm cross-training. Oh. I have very well-conditioned thumbs.

"That's so typical of men..."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Football

Ball as water-melon.

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Children playing football.

'I think I've scored.'

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

The Goalkeeper

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

A woman watches football on her computer.

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Cristiano Ronaldo

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

Mr. K's essay is such a drag! Yeah, but I've got to do really well. Twig! You're such a grind! Am not! Life isn't only about grades. I know! But he's directing the spring musical. And my singing won't get me the part all by itself! English: Gateway to the Grammys.

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

Wilfried Zaha

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

Soccer coach of the year.

A backup plan might be a good idea, in case 'being a celebrity' doesn't work out...

Football player taking the ball home.