Future Soccer Star Gifts

Boy holding football.

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

'Wow! That's some growth spurt!'

Exercising

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

Children playing football.

"What do you want to be when you blow up?"

It's okay -- I'm training for the 2020 Olympics.

The team video didn't spotlight my talents. I've hired my own film crew. They'll showcase my skills so college recruiters can see my strengths. Wow! How can the director pack so much into one little video? Great point! Daddy? Tell Steven Spielberg we're going feature length. Nice save!

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Wilfried Zaha

Soccer coach of the year.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

A woman watches football on her computer.

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

Future Wrestler

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

Kids playing ice hockey for a medal.

A boy with a football

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"‘How I Spent My Summer Vacation in a Freaking Gymnastics Camp and Nearly Broke My Neck,’ by Delia McConnell."

The young Michael Phelps: 'Just another four laps and I'll get out!'

'I won't bother to bath Mum, we're playing again tomorrow!'

Futsal

Gareth Bale

Boy asking for bathing machine to be taken out deep so he can dive in.

'The team we're playing tonight is good 'cause I heard they know how to turn and stop!'

Lionel Messi