Football Watching Gifts

NFL is jerk to fans

'Stop moaning, Doris - you know you don't like football'

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

350 Feet.

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Raheem Sterling

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

A man cheers

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

Putting Practice.

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

7 can't-miss prayers to insure that your team wins.

'Hey, hey, hey!'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'John is watching the game under protest.'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Super Bowl Halftime Show Barbra Streisand reads from her memoir.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'All this viewing is an endurance event in itself...'

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.