Foodie Humorest Gifts

"I prefer people to animals."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"You do like octopus?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

Fast food. Even faster food

Soup of the month.

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

"Rump roast?"

'He made an excellent jelly.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

Pigeon Little

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."