Foodie Humorest Gifts

"I prefer people to animals."

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"You do like octopus?"

Ice Cream Surgeon

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

What the Doctor Ordered

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

La Table

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

Fast food. Even faster food

Soup of the month.

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

"Rump roast?"

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Pigeon Little