Foodie Felons Gifts

'He asked me if I wanted to put anything on my burger, so I had a tenner each way.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"And what would you like to regret later?"

'My French is not so good.'

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'Jam roly-poly, treacle tart, ice cream... We're in luck, it's a dessert island.'

"Mr. Boyd, are you charged with stealing from Bob's bakery. How do you plead?"

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

Hooked on fried sardines, Irene's cat leads them on a life of crime.

"I wouldn't complain about the food too much if I were you. I'm the Birdman of Alcatraz, all I get is millet and if I'm really lucky a few berries!"

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

"I can't believe I ate that pizza, that whole pizza, and nothing but that pizza."

"I don't care if you're a food critic - you're not combing back in my restaurant wearing only a sash."

"Oh God, I forgot to ask if anybody had lard issues."

'How many times did I tell you 'Don't eat the free samples given out on the street!'?'

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

"It's horrible. Well, I share my food...on social media."

"Are you trying to tell me you don't serve pan seared sea bass?"

"Man, I just HATE these police grillings!"

"Vinnie would appreciate it if you reconsidered that Yelp rating."