Foodie Fakery Gifts

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

Bangers and Mash

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Beef Stew.

The moat won't keep you from raiding the fridge if you order him to lower the drawbridge.

Doughnut Criminals

'My French is not so good.'

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

"When you came down for a snack last night, did you see a plate of dog food in here?"

"Sous vide hot dog round, dehydrated generic bun dust, sweet relish foam, ketchup tuile."

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

We'll pass on the entrees...

'I never see the dog complain about my cooking.'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Give me a size 12 please.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

What do you mean it's not vegetarian? The maggots all jump out...

Restaurant - featuring large amounts of bad food.

'If he's good, let him have a - I'll spell it - K ... F ... C ...'

'Whoa! I guess we shouldn't have eaten those bean burritos before leaving the workshop!'

Mad cow disease spreads to other ranches

'It's a new, high-protein substitute for soybean paste. It's made of steak.'

'I can always tell when you're going to cheat on your diet.'

Sam's Gourmet Diner. I'll have chicken and he'll have eggs -- we want to see which one comes first.

No double cheese without a note from your cardiologist

"One or two customers have complained of vomiting and diarrhoea. But don't worry, it only seems to be a twenty-four hour thing."

'Eat your lunch.' 'No, it's toxic waste.'

Welcome to 'The Really Cheap Gourmet.' First, go next door and borrow a lobster...

Fish & chips in newspaper of the year.