Fancy Feast Fakery Fan Gifts

We'll pass on the entrees...

Prize vegetables.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Regular service or affected?"

'For the first 500 calories of what we are about to receive, make us truly thankful.'

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

Champagne at the hunt

"MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOOD"

"It's all show-as soon as Marks gone he switches off the football and reads Proust..."

'No, there's nothing else: At this time of year, we eat salmon!'

"Welcome to the Bermudez family Christmas party!"

"Separate checks, please."

'Someplace where we just eat, eat, eat!'

"I'll have the crescent-crab 'purses' and the smoked duck 'hash' – hold the quotation marks."

'Gosh, he looks so peaceful lying there, I almost hate to wake him up and put him in the oven.'

"Yes, you could have cooked it, but you didn't."

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Champagne speaking to lobster about going to the Derby

"Of course, he always says it's not fit for consumption. He's a foodie."

"Could we have a doggy bag please?"

"And the special tonight is...some kind of unpronounceable, convoluted, uncommon and rather bizarre green or other..."

Suicide by overeating.

The lifecycle of thanksgiving leftovers

'Care to join me in a tuna casserole?'

'I hope everyone likes ostrich.'

'Well, once it's won the prize for Biggest Marrow I shall expect you to replace my fence!'

'It better be good - we only eat once a month.'