Foodie Entertainer Gifts

"I thought it was time to throw out the pizza boxes. What's amazing is it's just from the weekend."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'